Posting dalam Bahasa Inggris. Terjemahannya kapan-kapan ya.
Spiritually, I am a Christian. Well, perhaps I am not as devoted as I used to be after being married. And my parents are kind of worrying about my spiritual being every now and then, and they keep asking me: never ever to lose my faith in Jesus Christ. My parents are the best.
Before I got married, I tried to read Bible in a year in both EN and ID (failed half-way after my grandma passed away and I was way too emotionally distraught). Shame on me. My sister has completed reading Bibles so many times…
But I did fast regularly, just like my grandmas and mom, until I got pregnant. I did want to continue my regular fasting, but I realize that my body is not as fit/healthy as before I got married. Perhaps it is ageing? Or perhaps too many things going on and it truly affects my overall physical health.
And this week I was touched seeing a post on Indonesian horror TV show when a Christian lady is protected against all kinds of ghosts just because she keeps saying our Lord’s name. She somehow reminds me of what has happened to me after being married. Because of Him and only Him that I am strong enough to face all odds, all black magic, and have been able to see the greater picture.
Imagine that a person “with a word for prose” (quoting Dr Dede Selamat Sutedja, 2004) was unable to say what she wants to say before her God. I felt sooo sad, miserable, disappointed, upset, and all negative emotions because I know that I never harm people and I deserve so much better (I still do and everybody – including my husband – agrees on that fact). The worst feeling was I for once, have made my parents cry for me. What I did was crying myself almost every night, gasping for Jesus’ name. I know that He will understand my pain, that He will bring justice on my behalf.
And slowly I realize that I was the “chosen one”. There is no one but me.
If I were Jonah, being asked directly by God to save Niniveh, for sure I would flee like him to the point of no return. (Jonah is still luckier than me, at least he knew what God wants him to do beforehand). God knows that I would have run away faster than Jonah, so He made me enter the sacrifice altar without knowing anything.
And I for sure, would never be submissive like Jesus. Who in the world, is willing to be a sacrifice? In my sound mind, never. Even now, my answer is stil NO WAY. But if God thinks a person is worthwhile to be saved, why a lowly human being like me can’t try to think with His perspective?
My target now is to get my fitness/health level up so that I can resume my 3-year hiatus on fasting. And get my husband to fast as well. And later, my children when they are ready. Never underestimate the power of fasting. You have to be prepared. There are evil beings who can only be ridden of with fasting and prayer in Jesus’ name. I have proven that.
Tag:Christianity
